Today I taught my first real yoga class. It was 45 minutes long. I taught this class to my “adhitan” group and one of the teachers of the yoga teacher training. Much to my own wonderment, I led a full class from welcoming to reading a short poem, teaching two breathing techniques, several “asanas” or yoga poses such as Warrior I and II, Downward Facing Dog and Supine Twist. From my list of 40 memorized Sanskrit names for each pose – I correctly said each one. I got off of my mat and assisted my students and offered mental and physical benefits/precautions to each pose and how to modify each to meet the needs of our diverse group. I led a relaxation, meditation, and chanted OM.
Though this may not sound like an outstanding feat, it was perhaps one of the most challenging things I have done in my life. I can (or could) run faster and farther than anyone, work harder, be able to think at a higher level, and practice practice my way to achieving most things. But, no amount of hard work and willpower can enable you to stand on a yoga mat and look your students in the eye; feel where their energy is; intuit what pieces of the puzzle to pull from to make a positive shared space. Teaching yoga is not teaching an exercise class. Teaching yoga is not putting on a performance for students – about how good your poses are or what type of class you want to lead and especially not what type of person you want to be. The costume comes off and you must stand there naked, fully embodying your true self in order to connect with the others in the room. If there is anything other than authenticity present, it is like putting up a wall in the flow of energy, also known as “prana”, that is the essence of yoga. Yoga literally means union.
I rely on my critical thinking skills to cover up my inability share a space of feeling with another. I rely on my physical skills and resume line items to cover up any insecurity I have about what lies beneath those layers. Yet, how is one to find the oneness, the union that exists between everyone and everything in every moment if one does not sink down from the head to the heart, from the wave into the ocean below.
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- Tree Pose- Vrkshasana
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- One of our yoga teachers
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- Devarshi chants playing the Harmonium before we begin posture clinic
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- View from one of the many wooden benches overlooking the lake
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- Rushing down to the lake after practice teach 1
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- My small group relaxing at the lake
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- Rays of pink, a cool breeze and the smell of the earth as the sun sets.
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- My Sadhana journal (notes) and my binder. Today: learning boat.
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- A rare day of relaxation with my good friend here.
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- A quick glimpse that does not give it justice.
Kripalu means compassion in Sanskrit. Sanskrit is the world’s oldest language. It is said that Sanskrit words, when spoken, send sound waves equal to the word being said. Thus, if you say Kripalu right now, sound vibrations of compassion are sent out into the space around you. Similarly “Om” is considered the universal sound and the sound that existing at the beginning of creation. Compassion is in everything at Kripalu. With so many parts of my life stripped away here, I have been able to focus in on the more subtle aspects of life, my life, these days. The green seems greener. I sit down and eat my food at a table and chew my food and just eat. The food tastes different. Placing my awareness on my breath is an experience that is different with every inhale and exhale. I have been missing out on the nuances of life for a very long time. An intriguing conversation allowed to linger; the time to meditate under a hidden spot under an unassuming but wondrous tree; watching two bright rainbows after a late day shower until they dissipated. Single-minded focus in the now- the key to seeing life as it really is?
In this race to figure out what is true and what is real and why are we here and what is my purpose- is taking in as many experiences as possible really bringing me closer to myself and the answers to these questions? What if all of life is contained in any one moment? If we could only widen our perception, our connection, our experience and our inquiry into it the present. I almost wrote “less is more”, but I am not sure that it is really even less. Yes, things are more simple – on the exterior- but infinity is found in a single leaf bringing it to the smallest detail or backing up to see its place in the universe. Similarly, self-observation can be treated with the same attention and non-judgmental “looking”.
Standing on the yoga mat today, I felt a greater sense of who I am. What do I have to offer to others in a way that genuinely exudes my Self, my energy to them? Can I be open in my heart to give what I have to others? Perhaps harder, can I receive what they have to offer me? If the universe is contained in a single leaf, what could exist between two people? I have been in awe of the connection that can be made when everything drops away and people are just being who they are.
So who am I? I did not know that I could be creative, but that was what my students said first about the yoga class I led. I remain a visual learner and struggle with auditory processing, a challenge that shines through as I try to direct others in complex poses. I am spontaneous when I do not have the responsibilities that require me to structure my life. I exist in my inner world but see more clearly that I would like to bring that world out into a shared space with others – and just not those close to me. I enjoy a walk on a whim having a whimsical conversation. I am a listener. I can dance. I can breathe deeply and laugh. I am capable of feeling the energy of others when I turn down my own mind chatter. I can let the weight of the world’s worries be a coat that I can take off. With a lighter load I can maintain a positive outlook, a “beginner’s mind, a curiosity, an interest in sensing the world as it is now. Much to my surprise, the world has continued without my wearing of this coat. Removing my card from the card-house structures I am a part of [insert all VERY important commitment here] has not caused any of them to fall down. I can listen to my body and can feel hungry and tired and energized and healthy and sad and joyous. Joy through the sadness. Love beyond the conditional, changing likes and dislikes. ALIVE.
